Despite a long history of depression, it usually takes a lot to get me down. By the time I feel crushed with despair and crashed with the physical manifestations of depression (especially fatigue), I have a list of things going wrong.
Here’s the current one, other than the obvious challenges of homelessness:
- I can’t write for the blog because my computer is down.
- Writing for the blog has provided my primary daily rhythm these past months living in my car. Without my computer, I actually feel bereft.
- This last round of daily rain — how many days in a row? Seemed like a lot — was hard on me.
- Winter is coming. Fall is in the air. If this rain doesn’t stop, it could bump right up to November’s cold rains.
- Two people raised the possibility of free housing a couple weeks back. Neither has followed up.
- I haven’t seen my best friend S for weeks and won’t until October after her daughter gets married.
- When I sign on to provide psychic readings, my customers are not calling as much. I assume that is the result of me being much less available since living in my car.
- A customer has owed me $62 since Sunday morning. At the end of the reading he said he’d pay that afternoon. He didn’t. I called him that evening. He said he’d pay by 10 p.m. Not only has he not paid, he has not contacted me despite my daily phone message to him.
- I had dog problems two days in a row this week.
That’s actually not so long or serious a list. But this depression is not something I can talk myself (or positive think myself) out of. Believe, me, I have tried for a couple decades.