I have nine days to get everything out of storage or lose it. Lose it all. Lose my life’s mission: 40+ years of journals, which until recently I’d believed were my life mission. Such an egotistical fantasy, that anything I write could help anybody. If it was life mission I wouldn’t lose it, right? That’s magical thinking. That’s new age crap.
I could lose it all. Everything.The American fantasy: That we suffer, recover, and then help others with what we learned. Happy ending all around. FANTASY. Lets us feel superior to others who suffer more than us. Lets us believe there is order in the universe instead of chaos. Lets us believe there is a god, or at least some kind of something directing this play. Comforts us. Me good, you bad. Me superior, you inferior. You fucked up, at least I didn’t fuck up that bad. You poor is your fault, me not because I’m better.
I know people who believe that rich people have better genes than poor people. Better make that rich people who stay rich.
I am attempting to download clip art and free royalty-free art for the bog. It does not work. FRUSTRATION. I yell and the computer. Nothing works. This life doesn’t work. I swear and scream.